My work with parents and children expresses some my core beliefs. My summary is a work in progress, since the nature of core beliefs is that they are layered.
- There is no one approach that explains everything, and no one theory that can predict children behavior and development. Each child is unique, is whole, and has all that s/he needs to communicate and receive and grow to be the unique person they are meant to become.
- There is no single “way to parent” that makes parents good or successful. Every parent is uniquely equipped to understand their child and to provide all that is needed for his or her well-being. So, in a way, every parent is successful already. A parent can have doubts, questions, or hesitations, and can look for help. But s/he is the one that holds the key to the child’s growth and learning.
- Parents are the first teachers of their child. All other teachers help them accomplish their goals and desires for the child. Do not give this responsibility away!
- Parents are bombarded with messages of becoming more rational, consistent, positive with their child. Those are just fads. Parents should trust their own intuition, be flexible, passionate, share their feelings – all of them – with their children. You will model to your child how one is open, real, vulnerable, and strong.
- It only takes one person in the family to change for the whole family dynamic to change. If a spouse does not want to grow – do not blame him or her, and do not wait for him or her to be ready. Go do the work and see miracles happen.
- Forgive the parents you had, and imagine yourself having had the parents you wanted them to be – it will bring you all the ideas you need to become the better parent you want to be.
- A child comes to your life to teach you something you do not know yet. If there is anything you do not like about the way s/he does that, that irritates you, that makes you angry – it is a mirror being held in front of you. It asks you to look deeper into yourself and ask: How would I like to be treated when I do that? What would a loving parent do in such a situation? You do not have to play back everything you experienced in the past that you did not and do not like about yourself.
In my work as a coach, I help parents to see more clearly what they already do and know, so their choices will be more deliberate. As a result, parenting becomes more fun and playful and problems are solved naturally, collaboratively, and peacefully.