The USB Typewriter.
You can star in your own personal film noir fantasy with this USB-powered input device that works with any USB-capable computer, including the iPad. When mounted in back and connected, the iPad rides the carriage* from right to left as you type. It even registers a carriage return automatically and places the cursor beneath the previous line.
*Youngn’s: The “carriage” is where the “paper” used to go and get struck by the “ink ribbon.” Ask an old person. He’ll tell you all about it.